Being an adult

Lately, I've been feeling strangely invaded with the realization that I'm an adult. Big news: I've been “officially” an adult for 3 years now, but I guess that the feeling was not as strong as it is now. 

It all started a few weeks ago when I opened my personal email and found more than 100 unread messages. I freaked out immediately because I couldn’t understand how that was possible. I’d just checked my email three days ago. The sensation of adulthood continued when I sat down on my desk in the teacher’s room and found out that I had a massive pile of papers to check and grade. Again, I was confused: I’d just finished checking Writing Activities and Blogs a few days ago. Why does work have the ability to reproduce like a crazy bunny? 

Every day I wake up at 5h30 in the morning, I take a shower and put my clothes on. I spend at least fifteen minutes laying down, staring at the ceiling and asking myself questions that I can’t really answer about my job, my students and myself. One of those questions is if it is all worth it. If the soreness on my body after a rough day and the dark circles under my eyes are the price that I have to assume in order to be a better teacher. Am I doing it right? Am I being human enough with them? Am I teaching them something besides the subject?

 

I guess I’ll never truly know. 

Then my fifteen minutes of self-doubt and reflection are over. I go to the classrooms, see their beautiful and always so expressive eyes. I forget about the world outside and I focus on what really matters: teaching and learning. Not only about the subject but about the world, my students’ lives and life itself. Suddenly, I don’t feel like a boring adult anymore. There is no differentiation between a thirteen year old girl and me: we’re both learning. It’s exciting and compelling.  An adventure.

The day finishes and I’m dead. My back aches, my eyes are red and I’m so sleepy I could fall asleep in my plate of food. I go to bed. At the next day, I open my eyes and follow the routine. My fifteen minutes come back again so I ask myself the same question: Is it all worth it?

Then, I remember all the days with my students.

Of course it is. It will always be worth it.